October Sky

This time last year, 2019, was a beautiful October day. Clear blue skies, mild with low humidity. Perfect Louisiana weather.Maybe there should be some consolation in that.There is not.Instead, that memory is tainted just like everything else. Weighed down with the heaviness of loss. How has a full year passed while, for me, time seems...

Gethsemane

I remember this night.Last year. The last night.Exhausted, I watched youBy the tv light.Easy jazz filling the quiet.I held your handand talked of nothing.Rocking incessantly in that blue chairThat barely fit betweenThe hospital bed and the largeHeavy armoire that wasPart of the bedroom setYou bought before we married.I remember how you disassembledThe superfluously ornateCrown piece...

Red

Month by month by month There’s a swelling rage That time does not dissipate. . . . Jagged disappointments Of uncontrollable circumstances That leave only a single color in their wake. . . . If I could blindly let fly The unanswered anger of questions Unspoken and fury unabated To unleash a violence That would...

The Banality of Survival

“But anyone who has lived through loss will recognize in it the essential banality of survival—we come unmoored, then buoy ourselves up with the flimsiest of lifeboats, cobbled together out of any plank and rope we can grasp.” ~ Maria Popova, Figuring Everything seems to me to be meaningless. Ultimately There is no point to...

Month 5

Yesterday marked 5 months since Calvin has been gone. It seems strange to think so much time has passed without him in the world. And yet, it feels like years since I’ve heard his voice or looked into his brown eyes.I like to think of him as that little boy on the left, with a...

Black Hole

Grief rolls in Like a wave Crashing over you, Suffocating and heavy. ~~~~ There is a moment, Just a fraction of a second When you glimpse The impossibility of infinity. How it stretches on And on And on Without end. ~~~~ Then the fist of Anger Thrusts into your chest, Forces your head up, And...

Dark Matter

Grief - Cosmos of darkness Home of despair ~~~~ Anger Bitterness Loneliness Denial Regret Self-loathing ~~~~ The stars and planets Of it’s realm.

March 20, 2020

Sixteen years ago today we stood in our back yard and exchanged beautiful words of commitment, surrounded by the blooms of camellias and the sweet fragrance of gardenia. Our poolside celebration with family and friends is forever etched in my memory as an exquisitely vivid moment of Joy in my lifeline. One of those images...

Lean In

Darkness encroaches on all edges. I try to stave it off Try not to cry, Not to heave in the rush of convulsions. My chest beat quickens then slows; And the panic settles, Just a moment. . I close my eyes. Scenes of tenderness and heartbreak flash before them. Steaming tears quietly Burn trails downward,...

Singularity

I am the fire that will consume you. These are the eyes that give you pause. Mine is the embrace that will save you When the world around us falls. ~ When the thunders of destruction sound And barbarians bluster at the gate, In me your protection found From the soulless Furies’ fate. ~ My...