The Banality of Survival

“But anyone who has lived through loss will recognize in it the essential banality of survival—we come unmoored, then buoy ourselves up with the flimsiest of lifeboats, cobbled together out of any plank and rope we can grasp.” ~ Maria Popova, Figuring Everything seems to me to be meaningless. Ultimately There is no point to...

Relentless

Relentless Time... keeps on going Minutes tick by, seconds race away from me I try to grab them, hold them, squeeze their essence But I blink, I breathe, I sneeze And everything is lost. I want to pin each moment down like a butterfly But the more I try to feel each frame of my...

Rest in Peace with all my love

I hope you feel the sun on your face. I hope you hear the crashing of waves. I hope you feel the breeze off the ocean. And wherever you're going, I hope you are carried there with love and feel overwhelming peace. I love you the most. "Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;...

This is Grief

This is grief. Aching. Longing. Skin crawling. Streaming tears interspersed with drought of emotions. Needful of a touch that will forever be withheld. Aware of no possible substitute that will suffice. Knowing the futile search that will ensue anyway. Ugly. Raw. Desperate. This is grief. This is me. I am grief.

Time

Now, today, this very moment as we walk through the valley, the shadow of death looms large. My husband’s atrophied legs can’t hold him so I carry him through, struggling with each step. We are at death’s door; no, his front porch. Trying to knock. Each strike of my fist is muffled, and my cries...

Catch and Release

~ A Good Life ~ When, in the end, It is love That holds, grips, and Supports; A life well-lived Is known By The ties that always Endure. The measure taken Now proves Of a goodness reaching Soul-deep. And the ripples expanding Out wide Reach beyond what we Ever see.

Love Endures… for what?

What happens to all the love we create and nurture and grow during our lives after we die? It can’t all be for nothing, right? Do we draw it to us again after death? The people. The animals. All the love we experienced. Does it just disappear with us? Do we disappear? Is there something...

Atomic Theory

It’s easy to talk about death when it seems like just a theory. Even though you know in your mind that the theory isn’t just a theory. It’s the real thing. The realest thing that will happen to each and every one of us. Even when that realest of things is just a few months...

Miracles

There has been a lot of talk of miracles over the past 3 months.  Friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers tell me they are "praying for a miracle."  I say often that I believe in miracles and that Calvin is walking proof.  Every day while at the Radiation Therapy Center at MD Anderson in Houston someone...

Be Still

I wrote before that I never question “Why?” Maybe it’s some strange character deficiency that keeps me from reaching for that most obvious and needy question. Perhaps it’s arrogance on my part to not succumb to a question I believe has no answer and that in the asking thereof leaves me feeling vulnerable and helpless....