Lover

In the early days- after the hospital equipment, medicine schedules, and interrupted sleep cycles- grief expanded to fill the space from floor to ceiling, weight crowding in, pressing all around Forcing me into positions uncomfortable, alien, contorted. Taking what it wanted. Anytime, however inconvenient. Any way, however painful. Unconcerned however unpleasant. Now- it whispers firmly...

2022 Focus Word

Ok. So here it is.My word for 2022–> LANGUAGE For the coming year I want to be mindful of— How I communicate with others— What I speak into existence— How I speak to myselfI also want to— Write more— Learn a new language— Speak inspiration, motivation, positivity, gratitude, and joy— Acknowledge the power of words...

Reels

Memory reelsAnd feelsLinksKinksLeapsAnd stalls.ElusiveUnforgivingMother fuckingLeaksAnd sneaksOut the backdoor of my mind.I gropeAnd hopeClutchWretchedFuckingLossHeadstones under mossTime whipsAnd slursSpurs me onBut I blinkWinkSlink back intoBlank pagesHot ragesAnd I can’t fucking rememberThe look on your faceWhen you looked at meOr hear yourLaughTear smearedLashesObscureThe sight of youBlursTwistsLeaves me pissed!Why. can’t. I. cry?!Fly from hereTry to RunBut there’s oneMore thingI...

My Problem with Job, Part 1

I wonder IncredulousAt a deity that would DestroyEvery goodness of a faithful Servant. Did anyone ImagineThat the imposter oxen could ReplaceThe original living, breathing BeastsThat were once so Treasured? Did the world BelieveThat new daughters with DifferentStrands of black and auburn hair, AliveNow in place of those OthersBorn first of this family could EndowA father...

For Tim

There’s a half-cocked smileThat shows up in the blue-eyedFace of a two year old.A love of music legacyDeep in the DNA of a geneticCode steeped in the traditionOf the Beatles and an unfulfilledNeed for satisfaction. On mornings when we wouldRun and drink coffee afterwardThe laughter of two menCommingles in my memoryAnd stirs a longing for...

The Repetition of What We Can Not Escape

How many deathbeds must I attend?My attention focused in on the pallor of skin,jaundiced, thin. Breath’s jagged din, echoingwithin the caverns between my ears. Again.And again. And again. Waiting for eternity to begin. How many deathbeds must I survive?Tried and failed. No more a wife, a friend, a lover.My guide resigned, unable to revive my...

Meercats

Marinated in vodka and liesThey come with theirBabySexySweetheartGorgeousWYD shortspeakAs though at the merest whisperI should fold to my kneesTo deliver what they desire.My complianceMy agreeabilityMy subservienceNone of which I possess.I find those roles don’t fitThough there have been timesI’ve tried them on.Outgrown more thanMy wedding dressAnd last years running shoesI realize my response requiresHesitationBefore I...

The Dip and Dive

Darting artfully from palm frondsDrooping from the weight of death,The dance begins at duskAnd gracefully cycles until dawn. Dipping to water’s surfaceFor the daintiest drinkThey climb and dineOn a delectable banquet of bugsAwaiting their destiny. Summer’s divine gambol,A feasting foxtrot weavingDips, dives, darts, and dashesInto a drama of exquisite existence. The night envelops meAnd lulls...

On Seeking Absolution

Let me add your nameTo my book of losses. My pen vibrates with lifeEven as you decay. Death cannot silence youThough I lie mute. Wordlessly I pleadFor a letting of bloodTo acquit myselfOf the guilt - For survivalFor laughterFor todayAnd unknown tomorrowsFor timeFor life My offering, unacceptedWithers in the ear of god.

Asylum

I want to crawl into a holeWhere eyes can’t touch meAnd words can’t reach me.Where pity skips its gaze over meTo attach itself to some other objectOf desire. I want to know a silenceThat doesn’t breakOpen the wounds of my soulAnd an absenceThat doesn’t screamEchos from the chasmOf despair. I want to leavethe shorelines of...